Love and Logic

Trying to find my place as a mom is one of the most difficult things I have done. Like it has been said many times before, kids don't come with an instruction manual. I am in the trenches with Pouch in the terrible twos and Giggy is right behind her. So I have been asking myself, how I can be a better mom? I feel like my day only consists on yelling "no" ALL day. With one of my goals this year being to stay positive with the girls I have been looking for a new way to discipline. I think I found it in the form of a modified Love & Logic. For you who dont know, Love and Logic is based on 4 main concepts.

1. The first is building the self-concept. Basically you offer empathy, understanding and unconditional love. By allowing kids to solve their own problems, make non life threatening mistakes and learn from them. Thus giving kids the chance to think for themselves, and hopefully they begin to make the right choices for themselves with guidance from me. 
2. Sharing control is the second. Rather than demanding something be done you can offer your kids control when you dont need it, so you can have some back when you do. If you give your kids choices, a basic human need, on small stuff like what shirt do you want to wear? what do you want for bfast? You can take control when absolutely necessary  You can also give them choices on some big stuff you just have to make sure both options are within the limits you have set. 
3. Give empathy before delivering a consequence. This is also letting your kids make small mistakes they can learn from. You can give a enforceable statement, meaning you can dole out an actual punishment if not done. So an example "Hey! Feel free to keep any toys you pick up," if they aren't picked up you keep them, and the kids have to earn them back. So when kids are toddlers, you come up with a simple statement "Uh oh" "Bummer" "How sad" ect. Instead of yelling at your kid to stop throwing their food on the floor, you say, "How sad. Dinner is over." By taking away their meal and truthfully they will probably go hungry until breakfast, depending on how old they are, you are teaching rather than just yelling. Remember fight or flight, usually screaming at kids get a negative reaction, you want a positive. 
4. Last but not least, Share the thinking, by raising a kid who feels good about themselves, has a strong bond of love and trust, allowing them to make mistakes and learn from them, and by giving them strong problem solving skills. Once your kids are a little older you actually have them help think of an appropriate punishment for their crime. If they draw on the walls, you ask them how they are going to solve it? Hopefully by that time they are able to think for themselves enough to figure it out. Often times they think up punishments worse than necessary. 

Well I will be trying this approach. I hope to be successful at it so my life is easier, and my kids are calmer and happier. I will keep you all posted on how we are doing, and hopefully my sanity begins to return.